As a coach, I support others almost every day in developing applications and developing agreements. I think the development of this skill set is essential for changemakers and I recognize that it requires practice and courage. May this contribution serve as a memory, support and provocation. One relationship at a time, we can get rid of toxic expectations by turning them into demands and agreements. Now some people read this and say, “I`m the boss and people have to do what I say” or “I don`t have time to make deals with everyone.” These questions are partly true. But if expectations are not met, there is nothing to lose if you try this technique. You can have relationships based on expectations or relationships based on agreements. Expectations are cowardly and self-destructive. They are cowards, because when I expect things from others, I have all the responsibilities beyond myself.
I expect my colleague to do his job properly, I expect my family member to act in a certain way, and the list goes on. If I am unhappy, it is because of them. Expectations cause disappointment. It is a miserable life that awaits so many others and suffers so much disappointment and betrayal. I`m talking about the expectations and assumptions you make about yourself and your life. You know, the expectations that you have to be in a specific place in your career to be in a loving relationship, have the body you`ve always wanted to succeed… To be the best version of self. The commitment to reduce expectations and conclude agreements instead has been the most effective.
Yes, it took time to make agreements and figure out how to help others, but it was worth it. It`s the same thing that happens when you make certain expectations towards yourself. This can happen with just about everything in your life. While you will never be able to eliminate this process – it seems to be part of the human condition – the best strategy to manage it, one area at a time, is to make agreements with yourself that you are willing to respect. In life, few things make us less productive and more distant than the expectations of others towards us. Expectations are everywhere, at work and at home. People hate other people`s expectations. Unresigned expectations were not productive, especially when real work and strong relationships were needed.